Monday, March 31st, 2008
Its been too long since the last blog entry, and even that wasn’t an original production, but just the song lyrics from Samson’s Kenangan Terindah. I have lost my inspiration, lost the drive to write..what has happened to Arveena and her Writing, with a capital W? Could it be that I have been deluding myself that I had a talent that actually didn’t have? Have I just been stringing cliched words together and called that poetry? I’m not writing this to ask for sympathy or to expect someone to come praise me on the back, telling me that I am mistaken and that I actually do have talent..no, that certainly isn’t the intention here.
I’m on a journey to figure myself out right now. Talking to a few people has made me realise many strengths and many flaws that I have been trying to not admit to all this while. For example, why the obsession to be like Kuganaa? The need for a body like hers? What drives that? The need to be the centre of attention..Or, what makes me so competitive, to the point where its unhealthy? Perhaps the lack of anything to fall back on apart from studies.. And this thing about getting pissed at one issue, but lashing out at everyone around me, as though its the fault of the whole world somehow? I mean, that’s not fair at all..and yet I’m still doing it..and perhaps the backstabbing when I’m fed-up with someone, or the cussing in unladylike language? Where did all this come from? Yea, this is turning out to be a very ranting blog entry..I really don’t care…the past few days have been blur and filled with too many miserable self-realisations…I’ll try to improve upon this mindset and give you guys something better to read next time around k. Till then, I leave with my misery in hand and exams to sit for in a week’s time.
